I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I am mentally ready for anal.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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