I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
