I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
