Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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