Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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