I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
