we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
