maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I think i got beer on your cat.
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