Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
