I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
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She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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