just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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