I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
