how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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