I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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