there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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