they need to just BURY HIM!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just had sex on a roof
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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