Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
