im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize