I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
