Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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