I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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