new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize