Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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