i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
