He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
