She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
