her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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