paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think i peed on brittanys purse
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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