Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
