My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
we made out on top of his cat.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my being single is dangerous.
two words: eviction party
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
