im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
