I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
