You made me cry and you don't even care
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Pooping to opera.
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