I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
