Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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