how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
