you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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