Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My dick has a subreddit
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize