dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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