just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
