I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
