dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
