She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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