is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize