There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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