I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
