What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
