if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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