Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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