I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
