onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
