Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
