she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Holy shit dude........stairs
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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