Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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