i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
