Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
