We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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