Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
