I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm just crazy horny about you
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
